Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
