She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
