you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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