Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
