I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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