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Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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