U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
