My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Randomize
