Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize