Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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