You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
