you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
