He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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