He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i believe in u and ur pee
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
