2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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