Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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