you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
