would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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