Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
