instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
