Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
