Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
