omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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