i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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