how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
