You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
