What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
