happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
