How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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