I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
