Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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