Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
