If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
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Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
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Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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