Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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