goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
