I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
