I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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