I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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