Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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