he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
