I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
