shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
