Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
