he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
