My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
