I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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