I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
