i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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