Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
