you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
