i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
