Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
