They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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