I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize