i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
