you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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