Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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