I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
