I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
