I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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