So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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