its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
