I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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