What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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