You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
