U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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