Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
