if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
