I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
