Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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