I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
