my vag is so smooth its legendary
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My ATM looks so different sober.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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