Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
