I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
