i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
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We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
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You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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