Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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