She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
