Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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