dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
