im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
