If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
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I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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