Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
