Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I need mimosas to revive my soul
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
